I spend my days in the classroom with the sweetest, most energetic 9th grade girls. I spend my nights in a dormitory, chatting and studying and eating cake with my house girls. On the weekends, I often grab my camera and capture portraits for local high school girls. And I get to live everyday as mom to the most special of all tween girls. (We have two boys too- they’re ok… JK!)
Seriously, some days are a struggle, but most days I just love the time I get to spend with all these amazing girls!
But they are too often blind to all of this. Clueless. Unaware of their beautiful smiles, their captivating hearts, their powerful skills. Overwhelmed instead with insecurity and low self esteem.
So what can we do?
We can build up their self esteem with these THREE SIMPLE CONFIDENCE BUILDERS.
This one is so easy, and can be so fun! Go grab coffee together, or lunch, or take a shopping trip. No money? No problem! A simple walk is a great idea. Bring the dog- he’s the only one allowed to join you because he won’t interrupt. Share time together sitting on her bed at night, or on your bed. The key word here is TIME. Make time with her a priority, and she’ll get the message that you SEE her, that you care about her. What a message to pour over her- that she’s being seen, that she’s cared for.
That’s a great confidence builder!
The goal of building her up is such an important one, but be sure to go beyond the surface, beyond the outer beauty. What does she love to do? Compliment her skills. Is she kind? Generous? Thoughtful? Sensitive? Compliment her heart. And what about her skills? Is she a creative writer? A math wiz? Master of the soccer pitch? Compliment her skills. Or better still, just compliment her presence. Let her know how happy it makes you just to be with her.
Words can be powerful. Use yours to love on her.
I love this one because I’m such a hugger! And I LOVE when people hug me. So when it comes to my kids, especially my daughter, I try to initiate contact with her. It’s a good feeling to be hugged, not just to hug. So go in for the hug. Even if it’s gotta be that side hug thingy because they’re just “too cool” for your hugs now.
Also, ask for a hug. Your daughter might be getting to the age where she don’t feel comfortable with hugs anymore, so ask. Show her you still want to love on her, but that you SEE her, and respect her space.
But still try to squeeze those side hug thingies in, too!
And there you have it! Simple but fantastic confidence builders for your girl.
Yeah, see how I tricked you there? And you thought this post was just about her. Well it’s not! Because the best way to build confidence in our daughters is to model it in ourselves. So let’s apply these SAME THREE TIPS!
Yeah, I’m still talking about just you. Spend time alone. Quality time with yourself. That’s important. Take time to care for yourself, to love on yourself. Go to coffee alone. Bring a book and enjoy the quiet. Or go for a walk alone. Again, the dog can come too, but only because he’s the quiet one. The point is to spend time alone with yourself. This internalizes the message that you matter, that you deserve the time.
Confidence builder for sure.
Yes, another important tip for us. Whose voice do you hear the most? Whose is the loudest? Yes, it’s your own. That silent voice inside of you that I’m guessing isn’t all too nice much of the time. It’s time to be kinder to yourself. Consider your heart. Remind yourself of what a giver you are. Compliment your compassion or patience. Compliment the way you run hard, or create amazing meals, or the way you run your business or your home. Pat yourself on the back. Do it out loud! Look in that mirror and tell yourself something kind. You deserve it and it will build your confidence.
I know we may think we’re old enough to not really need those hugs anymore, but that’s just not true. How great does it feel to be held? Hugged hard and happily by friends? Hugged tenderly by our spouse? Hugged deeply by our babies? Even the dog! Goodness, I love hugging our dog.
Get a hug today. Heck, hug yourself! Sit down, bring those knees in, and squeeze. Give yourself a hug. Tell yourself, “You deserve a hug from me today!”.
Because you do!
That’s it! Three simple but powerful ways to build up your daughter’s confidence- and your own too.
It doesn’t take a lot of complexity to build up a teen girl’s confidence, but it’s not always easy, and it takes time, patience, and consistency. And it’s perhaps the most important thing you can do for her.
The same goes for you, too. This takes times and patience. Be consistent and patient with yourself. This could be the greatest gift you give yourself.
One more way to boost your confidence and hers? Become part of a community of moms who are looking to do the same!