Are you Mom to a teenage daughter?
Are you looking for connection, encouragement, and tips on how to navigate these crazy teen girl years?
Then grab your camera and your coffee, and join us!
The other day, as I was walking out of my teenage son’s room, I noticed some index cards taped to the back of his bedroom door. A closer look revealed that he had set athletic goals for his entire high school career (which does not begin for another 5 months). There were also college goals. And beyond. I laughed to myself and realized (yet again) that the apple had not fallen far from the tree.
Our house is a house of goal setters. My husband has been setting and tracking running goals for the entire 20 years I have known him. Ask him what workout he did on September 15, 2007 and he can go back and find it. The same goes for me. Well, maybe not to that obsessive extent, but my office walls are covered with goal cards for work, for health and fitness, for life.
But what about mothering?
After leaving my son’s room and considering the insane amount of goal setting this family does, the thought struck me. Why don’t I set goals on mothering? Isn’t it just as important- if not more- as my work, or my health and fitness? Isn’t mothering the part of my life where I really need to be intentional? How have I not set Mom goals?
I mulled these questions over for about 30 seconds, and decided to set some Mom goals. Then I decided to bring you along for the ride. So let’s do this together.
Let’s set some Mom goals.
We shouldn’t just go setting goals for the sake of setting goals. We need to slow down and consider our why. Remember in my last blog post, I shared my WHY with you, and the process that I used to break down my WHYs into several layers.
I want you to do this with your Mom goals. What’s the reason behind your wanting to do this? Are you wanting to connect more with your daughter? Do you want to create a safe place for her to share her thoughts and fears? Do you want to instill a sense of self worth in her? Are you worried about her interactions with mean girls? Whatever the reasons, think about them. You should be sure of your WHY before anything else.
Grab yourself a pen and paper, or go to your computer, and start writing. Remember that process from my last post. Write down your why. (For example, “I want my daughter to feel that she can always come and talk to me about anything.”) Then take it a step further and answer it again. Why? (Why do I want my daughter to feel she can come and talk to me about anything? I may write, “I want her to know she can come to me, because I know that she is about to start high school and she is going to encounter a lot of hard stuff.”) Go another layer deeper. Why do you believe she’s going to encounter this? Why? Why? Keep going until you’ve exhausted your WHYs. Then print that paper out, or take that handwritten sheet, and put it up somewhere where you’ll see it often. Be reminded of your WHYs.
Now you’re ready to write down some goals. You know the WHY behind your goals, so you know what you’re striving for. You want to instill in your daughter that she can always come and talk to you. So your goal might be to open up lines of communication. Well, that’s a great idea, but we have to make this a goal, rather than just a nice idea. So we need to make it SMART.
Specific- You’ve got to get specific with your goal. Beyond just opening up lines of communication, perhaps your goal could be to initiate conversation with her once every day. Now that’s specific.
Measurable- You’ve got to set a goal that you can measure. Opening lines of communication- how do we measure that? Initiating conversation once a day. That once a day piece we can measure.
Achievable- You’ve got to consider steps that you know are achievable in reaching your goal. Do you drive her to school each morning? Perhaps you can make that the time you chat. Take time to consider the steps you can take to achieve your goal.
Realistic- Your goal is probably going to be challenging, and that’s great. (Initiating conversation with my daughter every single day sounds challenging to me. Will she want to talk to me? What would I say that could get her attention and get her talking? Should I keep it light?) A challenge is good, but we need to stay realistic. Perhaps in our example, we realistically say that any conversation works, not just deep conversation. (Could you imagine trying to have deep conversations with ANYONE everyday? Exhausting!)
Timely- Finally we have to make these goals timely. Do you need a month of daily initiation to achieve this goal? Longer? Put your goal to the test. Set a deadline to measure your progress.
One “must” to point out. When writing out your goals, don’t write them out as wishes, but as definitive statements. Don’t say, “I want to initiate conversation with my daughter”. Say “I will initiate conversation with my daughter at least once a day, for the next 30 days.” This way you’ve already put in your mind that this WILL happen. If you believe it, you can achieve it.
Just like writing out your WHYs and placing them where you’ll see them, a visual reminder of your goals, perhaps listed simply as statements on an index card, can help you stay on track each day. Or maybe you are an alarm setter. I’ve become one since I started setting my Mom goals. For example, one of my goals is to take more photos at least one photo of my daughter every single day (see how I got more specific there?), so I now have a daily alarm on my phone. Every day at 4pm (after she’s come home from school), my phone goes off, playing one of her favorite songs, displaying the simple reminder, “Brady Pics”. I’m still struggling with every day, but without that reminder, I’d have given up on that goal long ago.
This is a MUST, but it’s also a bit tricky. Do you want your daughter to know you have these Mom goals? Will it unnerve her to know that you’re setting out to talk to her everyday? (Did you see those eyes just roll? Mmm hmm!) If you want to keep your goals private, that makes sense, but you still need to keep them somewhere where you’ll see them everyday. Perhaps that means tucking your index card into your pants pocket each morning. This way, every time your hand goes into that pocket, you’ll feel the card and be reminded. Perhaps your phone reminder is in “mom code”. Consider whether you’d prefer your daughter not to know and not to see your goals. On the other hand, consider what it might mean to her that you make her such a priority.
A wonderful way to make your goals more visually inspiring is to attach them TO THE ACTUAL INSPIRATION! Why not superimpose your goals right onto an image of your daughter? This way you’ve got both your goals AND your WHY in one beautiful place.
Now you can’t just superimpose these goals onto any old picture of your daughter. For this, you’ll need something special, a portrait. And I can give you the guide to create that portrait.
Are you ready to set some Mom goals with me? Let’s do this together. I’m sharing my Mom goals here with you, superimposed on one of my favorite portraits of my girl. Hold me accountable, friends! Make sure I’m working toward my goals.
And let me do the same for you. In the comment section below, share with me ONE Mom goal that you have. We can encourage each other, and hold each other accountable.
We can do this! Our girls are so worth it!
About five months ago, I hit rock bottom, healthwise. I was overweight, out of shape, exhausted, and just plain old sad over having lost the athlete I once was. I knew I had to do something to get strong and healthy again, but the thought of trying again was daunting. I’d climbed this mountain so many times before. Self doubt and fear loomed. Why try again? Wouldn’t I just fail… again?
I decided that I needed to try a new way, so I sought the help of a professional. I called a trainer who I’d found online, one who specialized in health and fitness for those of us in the “over forty” club. One phone call with Dave McGarry and I knew I had found a gem. He helped me set goals, and then he helped me crush them!
I think the most important thing that I learned from Dave was the very first lesson he taught me. He had me sit down and write out my “why”. Even beyond that, he had me write down several layers of “whys” so that every reason I had for wanting to get healthy had a deeper “why”. I would consider a goal, say to lose 20 lbs, and I would write down why I wanted to lose that weight. I wanted to be able to spend a day at the pool with my kids and be comfortable in my swimsuit. But why? I would continue to write, contemplating that I didn’t want to miss out on any more pool days with my kids. But why? Because my time with the kids was too important to waste. Layer upon layer upon layer.
He had me continue this several times over. Then he had me print out my “whys” and put them up somewhere where I would see them everyday.
Four months later, they’re still up. And I’ve crushed every one of my goals. Because of those “whys”.
So why am I sharing this story? (you see what I did there?!)
With this recent health and fitness journey, I stayed focused on those “whys”, and I reached my goals with purpose and passion. So I started to use this same method for other areas of my life, including my business life. As I stated in my last post, I had come to a fork in the road concerning my work life, and had realized that it was time to put my dreams and plans first again.
But then came the daunting task of setting business goals, and of staring up at the mountain of self-doubt, of fear, of uncertainty. I wrote out some concrete goals, and then remembered Dave’s advice, and started writing out my whys.
Why do I want to try again? Why do I want to crush these goals? What is my purpose? What is my why?
Turns out in this case, my WHY is a WHO.
I want to try again because there are too many women out there who struggle with seeing their beauty, and I want to show it to them. I want to teach moms how to take photos because we moms need concrete skills to connect with and empower our daughters. I know this because I am that mom. I know this because I’ve been that daughter. Because I now have that daughter. Perhaps we’ve all been that daughter, or have that daughter now.
Simply put, she’s my WHY.
I have a tween daughter. I have a skill set that is allowing me to capture her beauty and pour my attention and love into her. I can teach YOU how to do the same thing.
You’re my WHY, too.
My goals are centered around you, your daughters, and my own daughter. My goals are to create blog posts that guide you through photography and help us navigate the world of teen daughters together. Online courses are coming. Workshops, both online and in person, are coming. Community, encouragement, and empowerment are coming.
Next time, I’ll be sharing about how to set mom goals, and how to write out your own WHY.
See you soon!
PS- if you’re in the “over 40 club” too, and want to know more about my gem of a trainer, Dave McGarry, visit him at www.fitover40challenge.com or www.facebook.com/DaveMcGarry.